#Soulless eyes meaning series#
Today's guest post comes from 'Ultrahedonist', who describes herself as a non-monogamous twentysomething blogger based in Melbourne, who’s equal parts poly, swinger and romantic.Īs well as commissioning a series of guest posts while CityKat is away, is also going to select one reader entry for publication. It’s not like I’m going to marry the guy, but I’m not going to forget him either. I felt good in my pants, but I also felt good as in I had the warm fuzzies, because I knew I was giving pleasure to someone that hadn’t had it in a while. I knew he liked me - cared about me, even – and that I liked him too. One of my most recent random sexual encounters occurred on a hotel room bed in regional Spain, with a recently divorced Lutheran pastor from America, who I just met that day on a mountain-top. I reckon we all get to work out or decide for ourselves whether the sex we have makes us feel used or celebrated, whether we see our partners as props or as people, and whether this whole sex thing is a miracle or a tragedy. All I’m saying is that I don’t think you should let anyone tell you what the sex you have – casual or otherwise – means for you. If you really, really love your husband, and for you that means you don’t want to touch any other penises, ever, I think that’s just peachy. I’m not saying you, yourself, personally, should embrace hook-ups with anywhere near my level of enthusiasm. Hey, hey you there! Before you hit Caps Lock and start your comment, give me another minute to make myself perfectly clear. The logical result of this is that married sex, fling sex, sex-party sex… all of them can have, or lack, a whole range of different meanings, good and bad. So sex just means whatever it means to the participants. Instead, what gives a sexual encounter its meaning are the feelings, thoughts and interpretations of the people involved in it. Its meaning isn’t a matter of mechanics and it doesn’t follow a simple, single formula. It doesn’t have any intrinsic meaning or morality. How can this be so? What framework might we bring to bear to understand this phenomenon of people rubbing their bits together while neither getting married nor hating each others’ guts? My theory is that, essentially, sex itself is just some friction that often feels nice. Having performed this feat more than once, I’m able to guarantee to you that it is perfectly possible to have sex with someone you don’t know very well and possibly won’t see ever again, all the while viewing them positively, treating them with kindness and wishing them every happiness. It is most decidedly not one of the fundamental laws of physics that as promiscuity increases you hollow out until you are but a soulless shell. And it is unlikely to be quite so meaningful as the tenth time you made love to your now-spouse. Casual sex can, of course, be meaningless and unpleasant.
#Soulless eyes meaning update#
I get the impression that for many, the image that comes to mind is one of two dead-eyed, alcohol-numbed Gen Y-ers masturbating into each other while mentally composing some narcissistic status update to tap out on Facebook afterwards.īut friends, I’ve got quite a lot of experience under my belt, so I feel qualified to tell you that there is no necessary link between the permanence of a sexual relationship and the meaning level of any given sexual encounter within it. It’s an activity that is accused of being meaningless – if not downright hostile – and intrinsically so. Instead, it’s more a kind of amorphous discomfort a sense that casual sex is a sign of a society in moral decay. It seems to me that the problem a lot of people have with casual sex – that is, with other people engaging in it - isn’t truly about anything concrete, like say foetuses or chlamydia (by the way kids, seriously now, use a condom). I am a connoisseur of not only the committed coupling, but also the short-term fling and the impromptu hook-up.Ĭasual sex needs all the defenders it can get, because it takes a lot of heat. I like my friends with benefits and my parties with near-strangers getting naked. I’m not just keen on sex, I am capital P Pro-promiscuity. Things only really get contentious when it comes to just which circumstances are the right ones.įor my part, I’ve got what many might consider 'lax' criteria. There are those among us who don’t feel desire, or who aren’t having sex that satisfies, but as a rule most of the humans on this here planet seem to agree that when the circumstances are right, sex is pretty rad. While she's away, we'll be posting a series of guest posts.
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